It is a beautiful sunny autumn Saturday morning. I have worked hard all week, not only at my normal 9-5 customer service job, but also volunteering for an amazing charity fashion show.
So why is it that I spent 4 hours today doing laundry and cleaning the house - which in my busyness in the last week has gotten veeeerry messy. Why am I not doing something I enjoy doing or finally relaxing? Why is it my husband is out with friends but I am here scrubbing the shower?
Now to be fair, my husband is very sweet, He pitches in on the cooking, does all the man chores like taking out the trash and mowing the lawn, and when I ask him to help me clean he does it. But only when I ask.
Is it a man thing to just not see the untidyness and dirt? To look in the fridge and see nothing to eat, but have no urge to do something about it? Why is it that I am the one responsible to write the meal plan, do the grocery shopping, and make sure he has clean socks to wear to work?
Are we all just raised this way? Is it a kick back to the traditional gender roles, of the man going out and hunting while the women tend the fire and mind the babies?
Or is it just that I feel the pressure because someone may stop in for a visit and the home is a reflection on the woman - not the man. And God forbid that the floor needs a sweep or the shoes have been left by the door?
Why is it that we as women judge each other so harshly and try to live up to such impossible standards? We must have a beautiful house that miraculously stays clean and tidy at all times, a great well paying fulfilling job, a handsome loving husband who is always thoughtful and romantic, a perfectly skinny body, be a Martha Stewart cook, gracious host, perfect daughter in law, life of the party, sex kitten in bed, have the newest fashion, the nicest car, the most well behaved and talented kids, and the list goes on and on..
How it is even possibly to meet half of these perfect standards? And who has set the bar so freaking high? Seriously, i know there are times when I myself just want to sit around in my baggiest sweatpants, not thinking about my huge to do list and just drink wine, eat chocolate, and watch a marathon of silly romantic comedies and hide from the world and its responsibilities.
So why do I feel so guilty when I try to relax? I find myself jumping up off the couch and multitasking. I envy my husband and even get annoyed at him when he comes home after work and just sits for half an hour doing nothing and decompressing. He should be doing something. I can write him a huge to do list and keep him busy for days on end. But thats not the point. He knows how to relax and take time for himself. He listens to the limits of his body and mind and takes time for himself.
So whats the answer I wonder? Do we go back to that traditional formula that seemed to work for so many thousands of years, with the husband going out and providing for the family and the wife staying home and minding the house and the kids. Have we, by liberating ourselves and becoming equals just given ourselves more work by trying to be the male as well as the female in the relationship and ultimately failing at both because we just can't do everything? Or have we over committed and multi tasked ourselves into exhaustion in our never ending quest to "keep up with the jones"?
What do you think?
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