Walk a mile in my shoes.

Come with me, through Respryn woods, along the River Fowey and share what I thought of today.

In 1997, after five abusive years, I picked up my two kids and left. I left a man with in excess of 2 million pounds worth of assets who then took me to court for custody of our daughter and kept me in and out of court for the next four years. Each time, he would turn up with a barrister and as I was not entitled to legal aid, turned up and defended myself, until, in desperation I too hired a barrister. Each 'bout' cost us about £7,000 for a few hours or so in front of a judge. Every time we did this, with no money, all we could do was remortgage the house. Anyone with children would have done the same. In the end, we spent almost £25,000 just to stop him taking my daughter away from me with no reason but spite. So we got into the spiral of debt.
We initially bought the only house we could afford in a district of Plymouth called Keyham (btw - I left my ex with nothing but scars and our clothes), nice enough but not a safe area. We worked hard, renovated our home and moved to the only house we could afford in a good area of Stoke, another district in Plymouth. We replaced every downstairs floor joist, all the render and plaster, we built and extension, installed a kitchen and bathroom and carpeted the place. At the same time, I had two jobs and went to Exeter university to get my English degree. Like many modern students, my education also added to my debts.
I reflected on my life, my walk as I walked the dogs today. There are people who read this, who have known me for years, who will vouch for what I say. I haven't run up debts on designer handbags, but clothes for work, shoes for my kids and keeping a roof over our head...........especially when we found dry rot and had to have a new one built! I don't drive a Mercedes, I drive a Fiat. I bought a four bedroomed house as five adults moved into it in 2007 when we bought it! I renovated the entire of the house I now live in for five thousand pounds and as it had cat piss stained pink shag pile carpet and groovy wall paper and smelt like and old people's home........I had little choice but to do the place up.
We did holiday for four years in France and my exam marking money paid for it. I haven't run up debts being extravagant; I just used to kid myself that I could afford to have the heating and lights on at the same time! Both my kids went to 'good schools' and every school trip, choir tour, £100 blazers!!! were bought with credit cards if I couldn't afford them and the kids had to have them.
We then moved house, when I got a new job in Cornwall in the property boom of 2007, when house prices were at their peak and we ended up with a huge mortgage. Cornwall is one of the most expensive places to live in the UK and I had no option but to take out a 200K mortgage! Then prices of: food, fuel, utilities etc went sky high and suddenly we were financially worse off. After having a mortgage application for a smaller house refused, we decided to pay off what we owed and drastically change our life style. We have halved our debts since doing that but the privations are extreme. We could have taken a softer longer journey but I prefer the short term pain. My family and friends have supported me every step of this rocky journey as have people who read this blog, and for that am I extremely grateful.
Even my work place have embraced my lifestyle, allowing me to teach the kids 'real' cooking on a budget as a school activity. Colleagues who read my blog have taken up tutoring and a more frugal lifestyle to pay off their debts and people openly talk about the money they owe and how they want to get off the 'commercial' money go round and live differently. People I work with proudly show me their charity shop finds and how they made a few quid on Amazon and Ebay.
As I turned the corner in Respryn woods today and saw this sign, I looked into the distance and saw the castle and even though it looked so close, it was still up hill. My castle is now in sight, but it's still up hill. I still have further to go than the distance I have travelled and the terrain gets rougher as I push myself harder. We are getting better at doing more with even less, better at earning more money and better at living ethically and with less impact on the planet. I genuinely appreciate the words of support that came with me on my walk today; I don't do it alone.