Love is Scary

I have never been one of those overly sappy touchy-feely type of people who pour out their heart to complete strangers and are immediately your friend for life. It takes time and effort for someone to get my defenses down and get to know the real me. You know that soft and tender little squishy bit deep inside that you don't show hardly anyone because they might think the fact that you have a lucky pair of undies that you have had since 9th grade, or that your secret favorite book is actually Harry Potter, not Sense and Sensibility is strange.

Yet I have found myself slowly letting out the squishy bits, only in little bites so it's not too overwhelming, to my husband. Yes, I know once your married it's safe and he can't run so easily when he finds out your just a little crazy, but for someone like me - its still scary as hell.

Maybe it's easier for some of you out there, but see I'm the person who didn't fart in front of him until well after the wedding. So for me to "let out the crazies" and admit that I don't wake up in the morning looking amazing, and yes sometimes I do like to wear embarrasingly ugly tracksuit pants around the house because they are the most comfortable thing in the world, that takes a lot. But over the last 5 years of marriage I have adjusted and am very proud of myself for letting him in.

Now the problem I'm encountering is the fear that I can't live without him. I have realized this more lately as he has been away traveling a lot for work and I realize that I don't have any single girlfriends left and nothing is really fun unless he is with me. I feel like an obsessive stalker when I call him 3 times a day because I miss his voice, and find it very upsetting when I waking up crying in the night after having a too real dream that he is hurt and I can't help and he dies.

Am I the only woman out there who has these morbid thoughts? Who worries about the people she loves and worries how she would ever get along without them? Worries that maybe she is leaning on them too much and needs to learn to be more self sufficient in order to save herself from possible future heartache?