On the Impossibility of Being a Modern Woman

It is a beautiful sunny autumn Saturday morning. I have worked hard all week, not only at my normal 9-5 customer service job, but also volunteering for an amazing charity fashion show.

So why is it that I spent 4 hours today doing laundry and cleaning the house - which in my busyness in the last week has gotten veeeerry messy. Why am I not doing something I enjoy doing or finally relaxing? Why is it my husband is out with friends but I am here scrubbing the shower?

Now to be fair, my husband is very sweet, He pitches in on the cooking, does all the man chores like taking out the trash and mowing the lawn, and when I ask him to help me clean he does it. But only when I ask.

Is it a man thing to just not see the untidyness and dirt? To look in the fridge and see nothing to eat, but have no urge to do something about it? Why is it that I am the one responsible to write the meal plan, do the grocery shopping, and make sure he has clean socks to wear to work?

Are we all just raised this way? Is it a kick back to the traditional gender roles, of the man going out and hunting while the women tend the fire and mind the babies?

Or is it just that I feel the pressure because someone may stop in for a visit and the home is a reflection on the woman - not the man. And God forbid that the floor needs a sweep or the shoes have been left by the door?

Why is it that we as women judge each other so harshly and try to live up to such impossible standards? We must have a beautiful house that miraculously stays clean and tidy at all times, a great well paying fulfilling job, a handsome loving husband who is always thoughtful and romantic, a perfectly skinny body, be a Martha Stewart cook, gracious host, perfect daughter in law, life of the party, sex kitten in bed, have the newest fashion, the nicest car, the most well behaved and talented kids, and the list goes on and on..

How it is even possibly to meet half of these perfect standards? And who has set the bar so freaking high? Seriously, i know there are times when I myself just want to sit around in my baggiest sweatpants, not thinking about my huge to do list and just drink wine, eat chocolate, and watch a marathon of silly romantic comedies and hide from the world and its responsibilities.

So why do I feel so guilty when I try to relax? I find myself jumping up off the couch and multitasking. I envy my husband and even get annoyed at him when he comes home after work and just sits for half an hour doing nothing and decompressing. He should be doing something. I can write him a huge to do list and keep him busy for days on end. But thats not the point. He knows how to relax and take time for himself. He listens to the limits of his body and mind and takes time for himself.

So whats the answer I wonder? Do we go back to that traditional formula that seemed to work for so many thousands of years, with the husband going out and providing for the family and the wife staying home and minding the house and the kids. Have we, by liberating ourselves and becoming equals just given ourselves more work by trying to be the male as well as the female in the relationship and ultimately failing at both because we just can't do everything? Or have we over committed and multi tasked ourselves into exhaustion in our never ending quest to "keep up with the jones"?

What do you think?

Bored and Ready for the Next Adventure..

I have to admit it, I'm bored.

I guess you could call me a change addict, I get restless and antsy whenever I have to do the same thing for too long, or somehow feel like I'm stuck.

I know this probably makes me some sort of weirdo, after all, doesn't everyone want stability and routine? I mean don't get me wrong, I like all those things too, but once I master something I'm ready to move on to something else.

Call it an endless quest for adventure, or a thirst for knowledge, or artistic flair, or short attention span, I'm sure psychologists would have another fancy term for it too and tell me it has something to do with my childhood.

As I grow older I'm realizing that its a strength and not a weakness of character or being flaky. See I'm a dreamer. I get big ideas and am game to try anything. Couple that with a love of travel, and not wanting to miss out on everything this life has to offer, and now you are starting to understand me a little better. I like to think that I ask why not instead of why. Obviously this does not happen in every situation because I am at the same time practical and like to make a plan. So I dream it, then figure out how to make it happen.

All that to say I am getting antsy again. We have been living in Australia for 4 years now (I'm an American girl born and raised). Its feeling like home now and and we are settled and happy. We bought a house last year and I have been working at my current job for 2 years now (one of my longest jobs ever due to the getting bored factor). We have good friends and go to a good church. I feel like I have ticked all the boxes and am now a responsible adult.

But I keep having daydreams of selling up flying off into the sunset to backpacking through South America for 6 months to learn Spanish fluently, or my ears perk up when I hear the neighbor talking about moving to Turkey where property is cheap to buy and manage an apartment block. Live on a sailboat, eat my way through India, open a surf eco resort on the Solomon Islands, be a backpacker tour guide in Europe, open an Internet cafe in Costa Rica; there are just so many options that are running through my mind.

And none of them are the responsible, work a boring job and pay off your mortgage type of life. And the problem with this type of life is that the longer you are in it, the more dependent you become to it. You start comparing yourself to your friends and are suddenly buying a bigger tv or a nicer house which in turn means bigger debt or bills and a greater dependency on that boring job. You live for the weekends and vacations when you get a little bit of time off to relax before its back to work again. That doesn't sound to me like the way to spend the next 30 years of my life.

So I guess this is when you have to ask yourself, what do you really want in life?

My husband worries that I don't commit to things and says that its all well and good to dream big, but that I can't just quit something when it stops being fun. I know he's right (and thats why we are such a good team because he keeps me grounded) but where is the line? How do you know if your just scared to go out on a limb and try something crazy or if your being practical and making a smart decision?

One of my biggest fears is getting to the end of my life and finding out that I had a huge amazing destiny planned out for me that I was too afraid to go after, and instead settled for an average life of just getting by.

So I don't know what the answer is. Maybe I just need a vacation, or a new hobby or job. Maybe I need to figure out what I really want in life and chase after it like crazy, because time keeps passing you by, and unless your last name is also the name of a worldwide hotel chain you have to work hard to get anywhere in this life.

What do you think? Anyone know what I'm talking about or been there done that?

How To Manage Stress

Ever have one of those days, weeks, months where everything seems to go wrong? Where you find yourself yelling at the neighbor, husband, boss, kids or dog way more than usual? Where you feel like if you stopped for just a few precious minutes to yourself that everything you have balancing would come crashing down? In those moments when you feel like you could identify with those people who run away to become hippies in Costa Rica, don't feel bad, your not alone.

We all go through these rough patches.I think especially as a woman, we feel more responsible to maintain the house, kids etc all the while keeping up appearances of being a perfect happy family, not to mention working a fulfilling job all the while staying up on the latest news and fashion, and oh yeah, staying impossibly skinny.

Wow just writing that makes me feel tired. Then put on top of that any extra curricular activities like wanting to be a writer or a love for travel, and there it is, negative time.

"Well that's all well and good, Crystal" you think, "but now I'm depressed and feeling even more stressed out".

I hear you, my fearless comrade, and take heart because help is on the way.

You are suffering  from (adding a dramatic pause here as I adjust my psychologist hat) life fatigue. Its a phrase I came up with but I think it is very appropriate. It is the condition where you are overworked, overstressed, over committed, and just want to crawl into bed and pull the covers over your head until it goes away.

So how do we fix it? Because as nice as it might be to hide in bed, or forget your sorrows with a bottle of wine and a good old chick flick; they will still be waiting for you in the morning.

As they say in Alcoholics Anonymous (or so I've heard from the movies) acceptance is the first step. I'm sure there are lots of people out there who have lots of different instant fixes for the problem, but here's what has worked for me.

1. Plan some time. Go to a cafe by yourself, or take a journal to a nearby park, or even go into your bedroom and shut the door behind you. Make sure its somewhere away from distractions where you will not be bothered by well meaning family or friends. Take a journal or something to write on.

2. First of all, take a deep breath and just sit for 20 seconds. Don't let to do lists pop into your head or start thinking about work tomorrow. Take these seconds to stop the carousel and just be present and notice the little things around you. The color of the grass, the taste of the coffee, the texture of the paper; just little things. I am amazed at how quickly this can calm and focus me when I actually take the time to do it.

3. Now that you are a little more calm, get your brain working again. Try to pinpoint the things that are causing your stress and worry. Write them down. All of them. Once you have filled the paper and emptied your head of it all, go back over and read it.

4.Before you start stressing and worrying again, pick one thing. Now analyze that thing. Why is causing you stress? Write it down. Now think about a solution. For example if you absolutely hate cooking dinner every night, then don't. Next time you cook up spaghetti make a triple batch and freeze the extra for a quick dinner on a different night. Or delegate and make it a game with your roomate/husband/kids for them to cook 1 night a week and make it a master chef contest. The most important thing is for you to stare the situation in the face and find out how you can make it work for you and change it so you are not feeling overwhelmed.

5. Now repeat step 4 for your top 5 stress issues. The solutions don't have to be perfect, they just have to be an idea, a start towards solving the problem. Obviously some of the problems are not as easy as making extra spaghetti, and there are some deep hard issues that a lot of us face. You don't have to end world peace today, this is just all about making a plan that you can follow. Remember the old saying about how to eat an elephant: 1 bite at a time.

6. Now by this time you deserve a pat on the back or at least a piece of chocolate. You have made time for yourself. You have faced your fears and issues and are trying to find a solution. You are already started on your road towards a better life. Congrats!

7. To keep the ball rolling and help you get started on your new positive life changes, encourage yourself by looking back. Think about all the really hard really stressful things you have come through. Remember when you were in school and studying for final exams and staying up half the night and stressing your head out? You got through it and now its hard now to even remember which subjects they were. Remember that first promotion you got at work and the new job was 10x harder than the last one? You got through it and picked up some life tips along the way. Remember when you first moved out of home and realized how much responsibility is required to keep the bills paid and a roof over your head? You learned how to budget and how to prioritize. Everyone has a different story, but the result is always the same. You made it through and came out smarter, stronger, and wiser as a result. Don't downplay that.

8. So now what? You have written pages and pages of things in your journal. You have made a game plan. You have thought about your victories. Now you have to actually start to do it. Start to implement your plan today, don't put it off. It doesn't need to be done in a day, you just need to start walking towards your goal. Believe me, just starting move in that direction will make a world of difference. You will be taking the offense with you life, taking charge and making things happen instead of reacting to what it throws at you. You will be the one making the decisions and not just accepting that this is all there is to life.


Remember through everything to always take some time for yourself. When you look for it you will find it no matter how busy you are. It doesn't have to be hours and hours a week, just however much time you need to refocus and recharge. This is so important.


Love and prayers from me going out to all you amazing people out there, you can and will get through this!!

New Year New Start

So its the New Year, 2011 has officially started. I know most of you are probably sleeping in and washing last night's makeup off, but it is that time of year to look back on what has happened in the past and to look forward to what will happen in the future.

 So to start it off right here's an overview of my year:

• Got a new job as a sales rep
• Hated my new job as a sales rep
• Got homesick for America and my family
• Took as many sick days as possble until my 5 week holidays in May back to America
• Was in a friend's wedding in Denver, hung out with some friends and family in LA, Denver, and Ohio and went on a Carribbean cruise
• Turned 28
• Went back to work and started counting down til Christmas holidays
• Had a lot of work stress, life stress etc.
• Ate and drank too much to cope with all the stress
• Decided I wanted to quit the ratrace and have a baby
• started my blog to have a creative outlet
•  Loved writing my blog until it became another thing on my to do list.
• Counted down the minutes until Christmas holidays
• Decided I was crazy to think a kid would be less stress than a job
• Got a promotion and a raise at work
• Got stressed out over the heightened expectations for my new promotion
• Finally got a holiday
• Hosted my first ever extended family Christmas dinner
• entertained the inlaws
• went camping with some friends and their 14 month old
• wondered whether I will ever have kids
• went to bed at 10pm new years eve because I just couldn't be bothered staying up any longer

So there you have it, my year in a snapshot. Now looking forwards to 2011 here's what I hope happens:

• get fit again
• eat better
• not stress so much about work stuff
• start getting better pay because of commissions
• pay off some bills
• do some more writing
• do some more styling and take pics
• go to Bali in March for a friends 30th
• get lots of visiting friends and family from America
• convince my parents to retire to Australia
• make some new friends
• take the time for old friends
• take the time to stop and think and enjoy life
• write some goals down and remember where I put them so I can actually keep them
• get more involved with the blogging and fashion community
• renovate our house

I think most of these are pretty standard normal resolutions, and some are ones that I makes every year, and I know most of you would be the same. But we have to encourage ourselves at this time of year when we actually take the time to stop and think about our past and our future, that for hopefully most of us a lot has changed since this time last year, I know that I have grown and learned a whole lot and I hope you have too.

See for all life's challenges and hardships we become stronger and smarter for having made it through them, and grow into better people because of it. So look at the silver lining of 2010, and use it launch forward into 2011, because I know I am planning on having a fantastic year...
xx

Search Amazon.com for new years resolution

How the GFC affected our Christmas

As this is the Christmas season, I thought a post of giving and receiving might be relevant.

I am experiencing this whole thing from a different perspective this year. I have always been the generous one, inviting people over for dinners and buying little gifts or doing things for the people I love.

But this year is different. This year, due to the effects of the GFC, my hubby's business went bust. This meant an immediate cut in income and it happened in late November. Talk about timing.

So this year, our Christmas was a little different. All unnecessary gift giving has been put on hold indefinitely, and even our gifts to each other has been cut off except for a very minimal budget which is just enough to get a little something under the tree.

There was no gingerbread houses, no twinkle lights to decorate the house, and no big Christmas day turkey roast. No new Christmas day outfits, and the only holiday we are taking is a few nights camping, just to feel like we are getting away for a bit.

But despite it all and despite the fact that I really love Christmas and shopping and buying people big fantastic awesome presents, I am learning all this extra stuff is not really important. Wow, I feel like I should be in a cheesy Christmas movie or something! But really and truly, that's not what its all about.

All our friends and family have been amazingly outstanding in this time and really come through for us, surprising us with bags of groceries, or slipping $50 dollar bills into our pockets, or giving an interest free indefinite loan so that we can pay our mortgage. And this is from people who I know don't have a lot to spare themselves. I am continually astounded by the generosity of people, and truly humbled. I am learning the art of graciously accepting gifts, and have realized the importance of relationships and friendships.

So here's me hoping you had a very Merry Christmas, no matter what your financial circumstance, and hope you have kept in perspective what the true meaning behind the season really is..

Having a Pretty Woman moment: "Don't judge a book by it's cover"

As much as I hate to admit it, they are right. Whoever these smart people are they seem to know what they are talking about. Sometimes.

So this book and its cover thing. We all know what it really means, that the person inside is sometimes very different to what their outer appearance conveys.

Take for example the classic instance that is the most famous one I can think of. Yes, I am talking about Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. Don't tell me you didn't think the same thing, because I know you know that movie. For those of you who want the feign ignorance see below for the before scene when they treat her like dirt because she doesn't "look" the part..





and here is the after when she goes back in with her nice clothes on and lots of shopping bags and rubs it in their faces ( I love this scene!)



Now I'm sure I'm not the only who has been on both sides of this situation, and I don't want to lecture or jump on "their" bandwagon, but we really have to stop this...

I was reminded of this issue when I recently had the pleasure of spending a few days with an old friend of my husband's. I didn't really know him well before he stayed with us.

Now to pass this man in the street, you wouldn't look twice, he is an older gentleman with a shaved head and glasses, and not someone who would be in my normal circle of friends. But I found a kindred spirit as we discussed art and travel and Versace and Louis Vuitton over multiple glasses of wine.

And the stories that he has to tell are amazing: sleeping 5 people in a king size bed with 4 Spanish gypsies who didnt speak a word of English, and meeting Gianni Versace in Monaco, and being a tour guide at the Van Gogh museum when he lived in Amsterdam, and sailing through the Caribbean, and traveling to 52 countries to say just a few.

Not to mention how wise and thoughtful he is, and one of those people who should really write books about his amazing life.

So this is your gentle reminder, my friends, to look past the outside and give people a chance, because they will usually surprise you.

And Marcus, you can come stay at our place anytime   :)

Creating the Sparkle: Passion - What's Yours?

Sparkle, that word gives an instant mental picture. Something that is beautiful, something that brightens its surroundings, that makes a change to its world.

Something that is out of the ordinary, that brings happiness..

This goes hand in hand with passion. And no I'm not talking passion like in the adult movies, but true deep passion for something that wells out of your deepest inner parts.

Passion is what creates your sparkle, what makes you smile as you walk down the street and sing in the shower. Its what give you the extra bit of strength to go a little farther and get back up and try again.

It what makes you different than anyone else.

sparkle

/ˈspɑrkəl/ Show Sp[spahr-kuhl]  verb, -kled, -kling, noun

–verb (used without object)

1. to issue in or as if in little sparks, as fire or light: The candlelight sparkled in the crystal.

2. to emit little sparks, as burning matter: The flames leaped and sparkled.

3. to shine or glisten with little gleams of light, as a brilliant gem; glitter; coruscate.

4. to effervesce, as wine.

5. to be brilliant, lively, or vivacious.–verb (used with object)

6. to cause to sparkle: moonlight sparkling the water; pleasure sparkling her eyes.–noun

7. a little spark or fiery particle.

8. a sparkling appearance, luster, or play of light: the sparkle of a diamond.

9. brilliance, liveliness, or vivacity.

The question is: do you sparkle? Is your life full of brilliance, liveliness, or vivacity? Do you glow with an inner luster or a fiery spark?

 What dreams do you have that wake you up in the middle of the night?

Why not?

I know better than anyone that life can be tough. The monotony of the day to day and a huge to do list looming overhead can drag down and dull even the most fiery glimmer of passion in anyone. 

But the thing about passion is that even if has become just the tiniest little flickering flame deep inside, tamed by disappointments and hurts and busyness- it is still there burning away, just waiting for you to stop your busy life for a moment and remember the good things, the important things that make you happy.

So do it now. Stop what your doing right now and close your eyes and breath for 20 seconds. Really think about what makes you who you are.

What is that big dream that lives down deep in your heart, that sometimes scares you to think about it because you think its impossible and too big for you, you could never actually accomplish it. Now I'm not going to walk you through a 10 step success process to achieve your dreams or anything, but I will ask you this one thing.

Write it on a post it note and put it up on your bathroom mirror.

This forces you to look at it every morning, and its really amazing how you look at your day differently when you bring your passion into perspective. It makes doing that spreadsheet bearable because you are learning office skills to one day run your own company. It makes every backbreaking hour mowing lawns or serving coffees manageable because that is one more hour's wage going towards saving for that house or big holiday. It makes cleaning the house again okay because as soon as you finish you get your you time to dream.

Whatever your passion is, drag it down to a daily level and start taking small steps now towards where you want to be. Because heaven knows, no one will do it for you.

As the great Lord Tennyson said: "The happiness of a man in this life does not consist in the absence but in the mastery of his passions."

Oprah also had some words of wisdom on the subject: "Do the one thing you think you cannot do. Fail at it. Try again. Do better the second time. The only people who never tumble are those who never mount the high wire. This is your moment. Own it."

"If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans."

This just frustrates me.

Mostly because I know its true, because I know that it doesn't matter what we have planned, we are not ultimately the ones in charge and sometimes life takes some very unexpected turns. The only thing you can do sometimes is hold on tight and ride it through and trust that God has a bigger plan than anything we can see right now.

When I get tired of this optimism, I try to remind myself of a mental image of a mouse in a maze, trying to find the cheese. We might be wandering through, trying to find our way through and getting frustrated as we run into dead end after dead end.

But there is a much bigger, much smarter person who is looking over the whole thing and can direct us in the right path to find the cheese.

All we see is really high walls and dead ends, but that person sees the whole maze at a glance and has a path planned out, and knows exactly how to get us to better cheese than we ever thought possibe.

All we have to do is listen to his directions and trust that he knows what hes talking about..
 
In the meantime I think I need a vacation and a nap and an entire chocolate cake..

thanks Melissa for the quote and for reminding me what's important in life...

A letter to my 20 year old self

Dear Self,

As your much older and wiser self, I am writing you to fill you in on a few things you don't know..

1. Love will find you. You may not think it will ever happen for you, but you are very wrong. If you would only wait and stop chasing after all those boys who are either not interested in you, or not interested in you for the right reasons you would find you have a lot more time on your hands. Trust me, this guy is worth the wait.


2. Life will not turn out like you think. Those things that you think are important to you now, you won't even remember in a few years. And things that you would have never dreamed of happening will happen. And the funny thing is, you will wonder how you ever lived before that happened.

3. Be flexible. Life is full of ups and downs, the quicker you can learn to roll with the punches and accept the bad with the good, the quicker you will get back up and try again. Don't ever stop getting back up again.

5. Invest in yourself. Take the time to do the things that you really enjoy and build yourself and your knowledge. It's amazing how quickly time goes when your looking at it backwards. That is when you realize if you would have done just a little bit of writing everyday like you always meant to, you would be on your 2nd bestselling novel right now. Instead you watched tv.

6. Enjoy your freedom. At the moment you have spending money and no debt and no mortgage and not much responsibility. Go traveling for a year, or apply for a job in New York, or work on a cruise ship. There is really no end to your possibilities, and you have the rest of your life to be responsible and settle down.

7. Don't be afraid. There are a lot of things you were too scared to do,  but as you get older you will look back and wonder "what if I would have tried". And that is much much scarier than falling flat on your face a few times.

8. You can't do everything. You know, mom and dad always said you can do anything you set your mind to. That's a lie, a well meaning one, but still a lie. You will never be president, or a famous movie star, or the inventor of the next apple mega company. Accept your limitations, and work to your strengths.

9. It gets better. More complicated and definitely harder, yes, but still better. As you get more comfortable in your own skin and learn who you really are, you realize that you don't have to compare yourself to others because you are truly one of a kind and have great things about you that have nothing to do with your dress size or your collection of stuff or the size of your bank account.

10. Invest in Apple, not in BP, and whatever you do, don't join the army to pay for your University, because you might end up going places you never wanted to go. Hot dusty places.

Love your very much older and wiser 28 year old Self

Easy Fresh Tomato Salad - so Yummy

101 NATURAL Vegetable & Fruit RECIPES from God's Garden Cookbook

So I have just discovered that the large bushes growing in the back corner of our garden are actually tomato plants (I know, I'm not much of a gardener). Not knowing much about all that, I was a bit sceptical about actually eating them.
However, I have been converted. Tonight for dinner I:
cut them in fours,
added some thinly sliced red onion and olive oil,
and squeezed lemon juice and chopped fresh coriander over top.
Finished off with some fresh cracked salt and pepper, and it was the most amazing fresh and tasty salad, perfect for summer!

Gift guide for the Impossible Man

For those women out there who have men who are just to hard to buy things for (no hobbies, or interests) have no fear, I have been wracking my brain to find gifts for several of them (husband, dad, father-in-law) for Christmas. Thanks to a little help from All Women Stalk, I have come up with some suggestions.

1. An Ipod/Ipad/Iphone/Ipod Touch. Or if he is already teched up, a new cover/headphones/cool gadgety thingo. Just walk into an Apple store or check them out online.

2. Playstation 3 or more games for his Playstation 3. I know, its encouraging his little boy type behavior, but they do come in handy when you just want to take a bath and not be bothered...

3. EyeClops Night Vision Infrared Stealth Goggles. To encourage his inner James Bond. These thigns just look like fun to play with, and like something straight out of a movie. Best thing? They are only $64.99 at Amazon. Brownie points to you!
 

4. Remote control anything. Whether its a helicopter, airplane, or dune buggy, boys really do love their toys. With these ones, I think it has something to do with being able to crash them into things as well...



 

 

5. Cigar sampler, so that he can see which ones he likes and looks really cool at the monthly poker game

 

 

6. One of those gadgetly swiss army knife thingos. So he feels like a real man with cool tools

7. The OK for a boys weekend. Whether that means camping or a night on the town with the boys; give him the freedom to do whatever he wants, and he will gratefully fall into your arms when its all over..

8. Golf stuff. Not everyone is a fan, but most men seem to like having a swing every now and then. This one here is an eCaddy You can Enter scores, Stableford points, player handicaps, pars, and hole handicaps. $49.99 at greatgolfdeals.com

9. For those with more of a green thumb the Little Desktop Of Horrors...get it at thinkgeek.com for $24.99

• Kit lets you grow a garden of carnivorous plants
• Seeds from over 10 varieties of meat-eating flora
• Personalize with decals, rocks, and bog buddies

10. For a sweeter approach to a dad or grandad, there is "Dear Dad, a Journal from You to Me"
The Dear Dad journal contains around 60 inspiring questions carefully designed to help your father reflect on and record his own life and experiences . . . his precious answers will give you a story to treasure and pass down the generations. $29.95 at hisgifts.com.au

Fairytale Ending?

****WARNING: FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO WANT TO KEEP LIVING THE FAIRYTALE- READ NO FURTHER*****

For the rest of you who want to live life on the edge and take the blue pill (or is it the red one?) read on.

Life is not a fairytale. I'm sure most of us realize that the magic of adulthood seems so much more glamorous when we are little and playing dress up to go to work or playing mommy with a baby doll. But those of us in the real world (this excludes those annoying rich kids, celebrities, and anyone else who gets everything handed to them without having to put in the hard yards. Those people can just bugger off, because they are annoying as hell.)
we know life is not like the movies or your favorite tv episode where everyone has perfect hair and never goes to the bathroom or goes to work. See they don't show those things because they are boring and average and what the rest of the world does. After all who wants to watch a show all about a couple that works all the time and sometimes does fun things like going out to dinner with friends or going to the beach on the weekend? No, we want to watch people doing things that we can't or won't do, people that spend $800 dollars on shoes and are secret spies or solve crazy murder cases. If all the entertainment was about people like us, then where would be our escape from our normal lives?

 So where does that leave the rest of us? Those of us who have maybe watched too many happy endings and just assumed that is the way life works out. Life is hard, and boring, and full of having to do lots of things you don't want to do. Its full of responsibility and keeping a budget and doing the right thing.

But, saying all that, and getting even myself a bit depressed in the process, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. See, your not done yet. Things can still turn around, you can make them better. I have found that when I am in the lowest spot and just want to crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head, that it doesn't actually help at all. The best thing, and as much as it grates me even now thinking about it because I know its the very last thing you want to do, is get back up and try again. It doesn't have to be huge progress, and it doesnt have to relate to the thing that has got you down, but I'm telling you, if you can take a tiny step towards something, to cross something off your to do list, or research that night class online, you will feel better. It gets the focus off you and how horrible your life is and helps you focus on how much better you can make your life.

The key is to take control of your life. They say you are exactly where you want to be as a result of decisions you make everyday. Whether that means your too scared to apply for that great job, or to ask that cute boy out, or let someone convince you into doing something you didnt want to do, this life you have is your own fault. So start taking those little steps now that before you couldn't be bothered doing because it was too hard. Before you know it, you will be on your way to your own fairytale ending, and even better that having it handed to you, you have created your own destiny.

Love is Scary

I have never been one of those overly sappy touchy-feely type of people who pour out their heart to complete strangers and are immediately your friend for life. It takes time and effort for someone to get my defenses down and get to know the real me. You know that soft and tender little squishy bit deep inside that you don't show hardly anyone because they might think the fact that you have a lucky pair of undies that you have had since 9th grade, or that your secret favorite book is actually Harry Potter, not Sense and Sensibility is strange.

Yet I have found myself slowly letting out the squishy bits, only in little bites so it's not too overwhelming, to my husband. Yes, I know once your married it's safe and he can't run so easily when he finds out your just a little crazy, but for someone like me - its still scary as hell.

Maybe it's easier for some of you out there, but see I'm the person who didn't fart in front of him until well after the wedding. So for me to "let out the crazies" and admit that I don't wake up in the morning looking amazing, and yes sometimes I do like to wear embarrasingly ugly tracksuit pants around the house because they are the most comfortable thing in the world, that takes a lot. But over the last 5 years of marriage I have adjusted and am very proud of myself for letting him in.

Now the problem I'm encountering is the fear that I can't live without him. I have realized this more lately as he has been away traveling a lot for work and I realize that I don't have any single girlfriends left and nothing is really fun unless he is with me. I feel like an obsessive stalker when I call him 3 times a day because I miss his voice, and find it very upsetting when I waking up crying in the night after having a too real dream that he is hurt and I can't help and he dies.

Am I the only woman out there who has these morbid thoughts? Who worries about the people she loves and worries how she would ever get along without them? Worries that maybe she is leaning on them too much and needs to learn to be more self sufficient in order to save herself from possible future heartache?

Stretch Marks

Yup, thats right I said it, the dreaded "S" word. This topic has been on my mind lately as I have recently discovered a number of them hiding on my butt and only discovered when I was trying to do a sexy move for my husband and freaked out. He was promptly told that he doesnt ever get to see me naked with the lights on and I apologized over and over for being fat and ugly. (Which I'm not, but it made me feel that way!)

I really don't understand the unfairness of it all, I thought having received the cellulite gene was enough punishment, but now I have stretchmarks too, arggghhhhhh. I'm only 28 and haven't even had kids yet, I shudder to think what may happen after that.

What do you think, do you have stretch marks or cellulite? (No names required on this one- lets keep it confidential :) How do we fix this blight on female society and fight the impossible standard we are forced to try to match in all the perfectly thin and never aging Hollywood stars that all of our men expect us normal people to keep up with?

Them VS Us

They say life is a collection of seasons. Some happy some sad some boring etc. They also say that life is a journey not a destination and that we need to stop and smell the roses along the way. They say the keytohappiness is contentment and gratitude and serving others. They say that sugar is bad for you.

I say that sometimes life really sucks. But sometimes it's really great too and the good parts always seem to happen just when you've had too much of the bad. I say let's hurry up and get to wherever we are supposed to go because the journey seems to take you through the bad parts of town rather than the scenic outlooks most times hand who wants to stay too long there much less take in the smells. It seems when it comes to the elusive happiness issue that they might be partly right, as much as I hate to say it I have found when I'm facing a big problem that seems horrible and I am unwillingly thrust into someone else's mess; that I find that my horrible problem isn't quite so bad and I feel like I did something positive and for someone else. As for the sugar issue, well that's a moot point because there is no way I'm ever giving that up!