On the Impossibility of Being a Modern Woman

It is a beautiful sunny autumn Saturday morning. I have worked hard all week, not only at my normal 9-5 customer service job, but also volunteering for an amazing charity fashion show.

So why is it that I spent 4 hours today doing laundry and cleaning the house - which in my busyness in the last week has gotten veeeerry messy. Why am I not doing something I enjoy doing or finally relaxing? Why is it my husband is out with friends but I am here scrubbing the shower?

Now to be fair, my husband is very sweet, He pitches in on the cooking, does all the man chores like taking out the trash and mowing the lawn, and when I ask him to help me clean he does it. But only when I ask.

Is it a man thing to just not see the untidyness and dirt? To look in the fridge and see nothing to eat, but have no urge to do something about it? Why is it that I am the one responsible to write the meal plan, do the grocery shopping, and make sure he has clean socks to wear to work?

Are we all just raised this way? Is it a kick back to the traditional gender roles, of the man going out and hunting while the women tend the fire and mind the babies?

Or is it just that I feel the pressure because someone may stop in for a visit and the home is a reflection on the woman - not the man. And God forbid that the floor needs a sweep or the shoes have been left by the door?

Why is it that we as women judge each other so harshly and try to live up to such impossible standards? We must have a beautiful house that miraculously stays clean and tidy at all times, a great well paying fulfilling job, a handsome loving husband who is always thoughtful and romantic, a perfectly skinny body, be a Martha Stewart cook, gracious host, perfect daughter in law, life of the party, sex kitten in bed, have the newest fashion, the nicest car, the most well behaved and talented kids, and the list goes on and on..

How it is even possibly to meet half of these perfect standards? And who has set the bar so freaking high? Seriously, i know there are times when I myself just want to sit around in my baggiest sweatpants, not thinking about my huge to do list and just drink wine, eat chocolate, and watch a marathon of silly romantic comedies and hide from the world and its responsibilities.

So why do I feel so guilty when I try to relax? I find myself jumping up off the couch and multitasking. I envy my husband and even get annoyed at him when he comes home after work and just sits for half an hour doing nothing and decompressing. He should be doing something. I can write him a huge to do list and keep him busy for days on end. But thats not the point. He knows how to relax and take time for himself. He listens to the limits of his body and mind and takes time for himself.

So whats the answer I wonder? Do we go back to that traditional formula that seemed to work for so many thousands of years, with the husband going out and providing for the family and the wife staying home and minding the house and the kids. Have we, by liberating ourselves and becoming equals just given ourselves more work by trying to be the male as well as the female in the relationship and ultimately failing at both because we just can't do everything? Or have we over committed and multi tasked ourselves into exhaustion in our never ending quest to "keep up with the jones"?

What do you think?

How To Manage Stress

Ever have one of those days, weeks, months where everything seems to go wrong? Where you find yourself yelling at the neighbor, husband, boss, kids or dog way more than usual? Where you feel like if you stopped for just a few precious minutes to yourself that everything you have balancing would come crashing down? In those moments when you feel like you could identify with those people who run away to become hippies in Costa Rica, don't feel bad, your not alone.

We all go through these rough patches.I think especially as a woman, we feel more responsible to maintain the house, kids etc all the while keeping up appearances of being a perfect happy family, not to mention working a fulfilling job all the while staying up on the latest news and fashion, and oh yeah, staying impossibly skinny.

Wow just writing that makes me feel tired. Then put on top of that any extra curricular activities like wanting to be a writer or a love for travel, and there it is, negative time.

"Well that's all well and good, Crystal" you think, "but now I'm depressed and feeling even more stressed out".

I hear you, my fearless comrade, and take heart because help is on the way.

You are suffering  from (adding a dramatic pause here as I adjust my psychologist hat) life fatigue. Its a phrase I came up with but I think it is very appropriate. It is the condition where you are overworked, overstressed, over committed, and just want to crawl into bed and pull the covers over your head until it goes away.

So how do we fix it? Because as nice as it might be to hide in bed, or forget your sorrows with a bottle of wine and a good old chick flick; they will still be waiting for you in the morning.

As they say in Alcoholics Anonymous (or so I've heard from the movies) acceptance is the first step. I'm sure there are lots of people out there who have lots of different instant fixes for the problem, but here's what has worked for me.

1. Plan some time. Go to a cafe by yourself, or take a journal to a nearby park, or even go into your bedroom and shut the door behind you. Make sure its somewhere away from distractions where you will not be bothered by well meaning family or friends. Take a journal or something to write on.

2. First of all, take a deep breath and just sit for 20 seconds. Don't let to do lists pop into your head or start thinking about work tomorrow. Take these seconds to stop the carousel and just be present and notice the little things around you. The color of the grass, the taste of the coffee, the texture of the paper; just little things. I am amazed at how quickly this can calm and focus me when I actually take the time to do it.

3. Now that you are a little more calm, get your brain working again. Try to pinpoint the things that are causing your stress and worry. Write them down. All of them. Once you have filled the paper and emptied your head of it all, go back over and read it.

4.Before you start stressing and worrying again, pick one thing. Now analyze that thing. Why is causing you stress? Write it down. Now think about a solution. For example if you absolutely hate cooking dinner every night, then don't. Next time you cook up spaghetti make a triple batch and freeze the extra for a quick dinner on a different night. Or delegate and make it a game with your roomate/husband/kids for them to cook 1 night a week and make it a master chef contest. The most important thing is for you to stare the situation in the face and find out how you can make it work for you and change it so you are not feeling overwhelmed.

5. Now repeat step 4 for your top 5 stress issues. The solutions don't have to be perfect, they just have to be an idea, a start towards solving the problem. Obviously some of the problems are not as easy as making extra spaghetti, and there are some deep hard issues that a lot of us face. You don't have to end world peace today, this is just all about making a plan that you can follow. Remember the old saying about how to eat an elephant: 1 bite at a time.

6. Now by this time you deserve a pat on the back or at least a piece of chocolate. You have made time for yourself. You have faced your fears and issues and are trying to find a solution. You are already started on your road towards a better life. Congrats!

7. To keep the ball rolling and help you get started on your new positive life changes, encourage yourself by looking back. Think about all the really hard really stressful things you have come through. Remember when you were in school and studying for final exams and staying up half the night and stressing your head out? You got through it and now its hard now to even remember which subjects they were. Remember that first promotion you got at work and the new job was 10x harder than the last one? You got through it and picked up some life tips along the way. Remember when you first moved out of home and realized how much responsibility is required to keep the bills paid and a roof over your head? You learned how to budget and how to prioritize. Everyone has a different story, but the result is always the same. You made it through and came out smarter, stronger, and wiser as a result. Don't downplay that.

8. So now what? You have written pages and pages of things in your journal. You have made a game plan. You have thought about your victories. Now you have to actually start to do it. Start to implement your plan today, don't put it off. It doesn't need to be done in a day, you just need to start walking towards your goal. Believe me, just starting move in that direction will make a world of difference. You will be taking the offense with you life, taking charge and making things happen instead of reacting to what it throws at you. You will be the one making the decisions and not just accepting that this is all there is to life.


Remember through everything to always take some time for yourself. When you look for it you will find it no matter how busy you are. It doesn't have to be hours and hours a week, just however much time you need to refocus and recharge. This is so important.


Love and prayers from me going out to all you amazing people out there, you can and will get through this!!

New Year New Start

So its the New Year, 2011 has officially started. I know most of you are probably sleeping in and washing last night's makeup off, but it is that time of year to look back on what has happened in the past and to look forward to what will happen in the future.

 So to start it off right here's an overview of my year:

• Got a new job as a sales rep
• Hated my new job as a sales rep
• Got homesick for America and my family
• Took as many sick days as possble until my 5 week holidays in May back to America
• Was in a friend's wedding in Denver, hung out with some friends and family in LA, Denver, and Ohio and went on a Carribbean cruise
• Turned 28
• Went back to work and started counting down til Christmas holidays
• Had a lot of work stress, life stress etc.
• Ate and drank too much to cope with all the stress
• Decided I wanted to quit the ratrace and have a baby
• started my blog to have a creative outlet
•  Loved writing my blog until it became another thing on my to do list.
• Counted down the minutes until Christmas holidays
• Decided I was crazy to think a kid would be less stress than a job
• Got a promotion and a raise at work
• Got stressed out over the heightened expectations for my new promotion
• Finally got a holiday
• Hosted my first ever extended family Christmas dinner
• entertained the inlaws
• went camping with some friends and their 14 month old
• wondered whether I will ever have kids
• went to bed at 10pm new years eve because I just couldn't be bothered staying up any longer

So there you have it, my year in a snapshot. Now looking forwards to 2011 here's what I hope happens:

• get fit again
• eat better
• not stress so much about work stuff
• start getting better pay because of commissions
• pay off some bills
• do some more writing
• do some more styling and take pics
• go to Bali in March for a friends 30th
• get lots of visiting friends and family from America
• convince my parents to retire to Australia
• make some new friends
• take the time for old friends
• take the time to stop and think and enjoy life
• write some goals down and remember where I put them so I can actually keep them
• get more involved with the blogging and fashion community
• renovate our house

I think most of these are pretty standard normal resolutions, and some are ones that I makes every year, and I know most of you would be the same. But we have to encourage ourselves at this time of year when we actually take the time to stop and think about our past and our future, that for hopefully most of us a lot has changed since this time last year, I know that I have grown and learned a whole lot and I hope you have too.

See for all life's challenges and hardships we become stronger and smarter for having made it through them, and grow into better people because of it. So look at the silver lining of 2010, and use it launch forward into 2011, because I know I am planning on having a fantastic year...
xx

Search Amazon.com for new years resolution

Fairytale Ending?

****WARNING: FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO WANT TO KEEP LIVING THE FAIRYTALE- READ NO FURTHER*****

For the rest of you who want to live life on the edge and take the blue pill (or is it the red one?) read on.

Life is not a fairytale. I'm sure most of us realize that the magic of adulthood seems so much more glamorous when we are little and playing dress up to go to work or playing mommy with a baby doll. But those of us in the real world (this excludes those annoying rich kids, celebrities, and anyone else who gets everything handed to them without having to put in the hard yards. Those people can just bugger off, because they are annoying as hell.)
we know life is not like the movies or your favorite tv episode where everyone has perfect hair and never goes to the bathroom or goes to work. See they don't show those things because they are boring and average and what the rest of the world does. After all who wants to watch a show all about a couple that works all the time and sometimes does fun things like going out to dinner with friends or going to the beach on the weekend? No, we want to watch people doing things that we can't or won't do, people that spend $800 dollars on shoes and are secret spies or solve crazy murder cases. If all the entertainment was about people like us, then where would be our escape from our normal lives?

 So where does that leave the rest of us? Those of us who have maybe watched too many happy endings and just assumed that is the way life works out. Life is hard, and boring, and full of having to do lots of things you don't want to do. Its full of responsibility and keeping a budget and doing the right thing.

But, saying all that, and getting even myself a bit depressed in the process, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. See, your not done yet. Things can still turn around, you can make them better. I have found that when I am in the lowest spot and just want to crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head, that it doesn't actually help at all. The best thing, and as much as it grates me even now thinking about it because I know its the very last thing you want to do, is get back up and try again. It doesn't have to be huge progress, and it doesnt have to relate to the thing that has got you down, but I'm telling you, if you can take a tiny step towards something, to cross something off your to do list, or research that night class online, you will feel better. It gets the focus off you and how horrible your life is and helps you focus on how much better you can make your life.

The key is to take control of your life. They say you are exactly where you want to be as a result of decisions you make everyday. Whether that means your too scared to apply for that great job, or to ask that cute boy out, or let someone convince you into doing something you didnt want to do, this life you have is your own fault. So start taking those little steps now that before you couldn't be bothered doing because it was too hard. Before you know it, you will be on your way to your own fairytale ending, and even better that having it handed to you, you have created your own destiny.

Tutus

Every girl loves a good tutu. A pale pink one preferably, one that you can do high kicks and leaps in. There is just something so wishful and beautiful in their simplicity. I don't think anyone could put one on and be able to resist at doing a twirl or leap.

So today's goal is this: living my today like I'm wearing that frothy pink tutu and not being afraid to leap and dance when the urge overtakes me.

(This post was inspired by the beautiful images I stumbled on at Latoriana. All items are for sale, and they have the most beautiful children's clothes that I have ever seen. I will be bookmarking this page and returning when I have a girl of my own..)

Happiness

I can't stop smiling... True happiness is in the possibility of your dreams stepping closer to actually becoming reality.

Thats all I have to say about that.

Grilled cheese sandwiches

Grilled cheese sandwiches take me back to the simple days of my childhood when there was no calorie counting or worrying about carbs, there was just the glorious taste of hot melted cheese.

Grannies in Purple Suede Boots

So I was out on the weekend wandering around a jazz festival, and was amazed to see this stylish granny wearing purple suede boots, much like the ones pictured here. She had silver bobbed hair and a purple sweater on under a silver puffer vest. I was amazed and jabbed my husband in the ribs so he could stare at her with me. I hope to be a stylist granny like that one day that people jab their friends in the ribs to notice..

walking on the beach

Walking on the beach, breathing in the beautiful fresh air - its one of those things for me, it just clears my head and brings my world back into balance, it think its partly because I am stepping outside of my normal world, and its almost like you feel when your on vacation, no stress to get things done because you cant access them anyways, its a time to get away and turn your brain off for a while

dvds in bed

I've realized lately that its the little things that are truly important, that when you focus on the good and the simple things in life, you appreciate it more and end up happier.

Things like sleeping in on a gloomy Saturday and watching a dvd in bed instead of doing the necessary housework/grocery shopping/cleaning the car. Its so delightfully opulent in a small way..