Saying sorry but no, again and again.

Living on a limited income means that the word 'no' is more common than the word 'yes'. It's hard. I used to have to say it to my children and sometimes they would get upset and tell me that they hated me. I've had to say no to 'friends' who never invite me again. I've not gone to friends weddings and have been castigated by others who borrowed money to go. I've been unable to donate to charity events and people have called me 'tightfisted' and you can imagine the rest. No is a very powerful word. No I can't come to your party, no I can't come to your wedding, no I can't go on your weekend away, no I can't come and visit. I always apologise and I'm always nice about it, but still, the answer's no.


Some lovely relatives of Dearly Beloved are getting married. I wish them well and a long and loving marriage. Yet again, we have to RSVP with a sorry but no. The increasing trend of getting married in a hotel, requiring overnight accomodation and food, posh clothes as it's a posh hotel and as it's in the middle of nowhere, driving there at a large expense has meant that we have so many relatives who we never saw marry.

It is very sad. These are the moments when you have to find the resolve to say no. We could borrow the money, borrow the money for the posh frock, hair do and so on. But we've always said, if we were going to borrow the money to go to a wedding, then we'd get married ourselves.

It is also very sad that we can't afford to get married. I know what you're all going to say, that you got married on a borrowed ring and had sandwiches. We have a family who wouldn't turn up for that. You see, I married twenty six years ago and went to a registry office, had a buffet and a glass of wine back at our flat and my parents refused to come, didn't tell anyone they knew and were deeply ashamed that they couldn't afford to help me. It sent my mother into a darkness that I am ashamed to say I caused. She won't go to weddings either as they know they've never been able to fund weddings for their three children, my brother has never married, my sister married in secret and I can't remarry. So, until mum dies, I won't be having a cheap wedding. Mothers can instill guilt into their offspring that's life long and very very deep.

We won't be able to go to yet another family wedding. We will be given a very hard time about it, but know we have no disposable income to spend hundreds of pounds on time off without pay, travel, clothing, accomodation and food, hair do, money for drinks at the bar and so on.

Back to a more cheerful note. We will be sending them some money for their honeymoon and hope they have a lovely time. Thankfully, due to the power of Facebook, we will get to see all the photos and know they will have a lovely time. Our love and prayers to them xxxxx

P.S In response to the remarks which I have not published. I would go if I could. I wish them well. I have a very tight budget and nothing spare. I don't mind wearing clothes from charity shops, but when the guests are in their finery, I don't want to lower the tone. I don't own a dress, not one. I'm sure the person would not have made the 'suggestions' they did if they had read all of my blog, the journey I am on and there is not a penny spare. I have to save up and scrimp for car insurance and at the end of every month, there is nothing left if I have to pay a bill or fix something.