The journey to downshifting.

I was a child of the 1980's. I didn't know any different. I was part of a radically and drastically changing world where old values melted away and consumerism and capitalism took over as the over arching values that became the centre of everyone's lives. I fell for it.

I became a mum in 1986 and managed to work through both of the childrens' formative years. I was the busy mother who was always too tired because work came first. In the booming 1990's we borrowed and bought our way to 'prosperity', a prosperity that I'm only just paying off now. We lived the 'good' times and credit was easy. The noughties saw the prosperity continue. I had aspired to a 'career', I re-educated myself, reinvented myself and moved up the property 'ladder'. In the end, I was working for the lie that I was taught in the 80's, wanted for in the 90's and fell deeply in debt for in the 00's.

I can't turn back the clock. I can't stay home and just knit and make jam with the children. They've grown and gone and I'll never get it back. What I am though, is older and wiser. I now aspire to live a 'good life', to live quietly and work with my hands. My dreams are simple. Grow food, live on less, use less energy, walk more, eat less, sit quietly, pray more, help others, read more, listen to Radio 4, learn more French and take time to enjoy the view.

I'm a bit sorry for myself at the moment. I'm about to lose a sizeable chunk of my pension and to pay more for it. I'm going to have to live off a lot less and pay a lot more for a lot less. My job is killing me and it's extremely hard to balance work and life.

I'm a great believer in visualising, of seeing what you want, at imagining yourself doing something and truly believing that you can and you will do something in the near future. I will downsize. I will buy a shoe box sized house and a little garden. I will pay off the mortgage in five years. I will be able to then pay a pension and I will then be able to retire before I'm fit to drop.

I don't want the stars and moon, just a two up, two down and a patch of grass, an open fire and enough room to bake bread.

I've written this today, just for me. I need to come back and read this every now and then. I need to remember that I can do this. I will have a smaller home, a simpler life. I can do this.