People are vile................love them anyway.

Today has been a day I would rather forget and I'm certainly not going into any detail about. To the person who needs all the forgiveness they can get. I pray this.

"O Lord,
remember not only the men and women of
good will
but those of evil will.
But do not remember all the suffering they have inflicted  upon us;
remember the fruits we have borne
thanks to this suffering -
our comradeship, our loyalty, our humility,
our courage, our generosity,
the greatness of heart
which has grown out of all of this;
and when they come to the judgement,
let all the fruits that we have borne
be their forgiveness."

We are 24 hours from collapse!

I bet you thought I was being metaphorical about the economy again. No, I'm talking about myself and the teachers I work with. We are utterly exhausted. The students look fresh faced and unbothered as ever but the staff, like headless chickens, are running themselves ragged trying to save their backsides by making sure the requisite amount of students a) get out of bed and get to school b) actually do any school work when they get there and c) pass the governmental targeted amount of exams.

I'm targetted to bits to be honest with you. I have a minor reprieve next week as it's half term, which means, I can go to work and prepare in the peace and quiet. But tomorrow, when I leave at five o'clock...............I'm going to allow myself a few hours of collapsed relief that I've made it through another half term.

Throwing money down the drain!

Today, at work, a 'trainer' came in. To start, he does some psychometric testing, which participants take online. I started; my bullshit filter fired up and I stopped. It was not possible to answer it honestly. In fact, it reminded me of the quizzes on Facebook, you know the sort............'what type of Spice girl are you?' or 'which Louis Vuitton shoe are you'? It was one of those 'quizzes, that asked you if you were 'most like'? 'least like'? and you couldn't be most like more than once, on one page load, or not like any of them.............so I said Frog this!And stopped. Now, this 'quiz' costs in the region of £90 per candidate and my students are short of books and we work in unheated offices.

It didn't stop there. A 'consultant', who will have already cost a day of his time, to sell the snake oil to my work place, and then all day today, to tell participants..............you are a red person with a bit of blue, even though the 'quiz' wouldn't let you answer honestly. Any of you adding this up to see where your taxes are being pissed away? That's two days of consultancy fees and £90 per member of staff. It doesn't stop there. Supply teachers had to be paid for so 'Tony Robbins' could read six pages or more, or computer generated quazi-psycho-babble to people who actually had children to teach. I sat for an hour with said consultant, who under cross examination could not link the testing to later training sessions. All I can see out of this is nearly 2K of a school budget......which is a third of my faculty's budget for books and resources, being spent on 'testing' that had no later benefit.

I'm seething and trying to remember that I am first and foremost a teacher, who is there to give children the best start in life. And, the reason I put one foot in front of the other every day, is to work in my local community, with their most precious commodity..........their children!

I hate to see money wasted.

Reduced fat sort of day.

First of all, I thought I would start something that I want to carry on and welcome those who've 'joined' my blog since yesterday, so welcome to Kylie, Laila and Marti. Welcome to my tight-fisted, waist/waste shrinking world of trying to save money and the planet.

It's been a great day at work today. Year 10 had their controlled assessment grades back and are extremely competitive and there were cheers, 'high fives' and quick calls at break times to let family know how they did. There is nothing like the jubilance of excited teenagers to create a palpable atmosphere. Some of my students do really well and some really struggle and they all bring their rewards in one way or another. Some sweep the board with grade A's and some find reading and writing a combative effort. Any teacher reading this, will know the look on a child's face, when they open their exercise book to find a merit certificate stapled inside because they've managed to write an entire paragraph.

The day ended really well, with willing students, who missed the exam, who stayed after school without any trepidation to complete the work they have missed in their own time. I'll get to their marking as soon as I've finished this blog. I have found a wonderful accompaniment to my marking. http://www.spotify.com/uk/new-user/ is a licenced music website, which you don't have to pay to join. You can just listen to the music for free; you only have to pay if you down load. Tonight, I will be marking to Lionel Richie, may be some Dean Martin and I might even get round to some Fleetwood Mac.

At the end of my teaching, and extended teaching day. I slipped into a tracksuit and let myself into the school gym. I cycled for 5K, rowed for 1K and used the treadmill for a 2K power walk. Even the proverbial Betty didn't sweat as much as I did yet. I haven't got round to using the 'staff bathroom' yet and showering before I go home. I'll get clarification as to whether this is allowed first. If it is, then I can shower before I go home and not arrive to Dearly Beloved smelling like  a locker room!

Dinner tonight was the usual cheap and cheerful. A pork steak each, cut into fine slices with a green pepper and half an onion, garlic, chilli and plenty of 'Foster Mummy's' homemade sweet chilli sauce. I cooked a head of broccoli and stirred that in with it too.  I cooked a tea cup of rice for the pair of us and we're getting used to eating less. Today is weigh day. Guess what! I haven't lost any weight again!! BTW - Does anyone have the Rosemary Conley amazing Inch loss plan book/literature they could spare? If so, I'd really appreciate a copy. I'll leave you now whilst I sing along to Fleetwood's 'Second Hand news'.

Twas the last day of term...

Twas the last day of term, when all over the school,
No one was working, it just wasn't cool,

The term end assessments were finally done,
We released all the students, every last one,
The teachers, exhausted! all dreamt of their beds,
While visions of red wine all danced in their heads,

Teachers in mufti, with me in my wellies,
Should I work any longer? No! Not on your nelly!

The marking is over, the books put away,
My train's in the station, I really can't stay.

We waved our goodbyes, as the school buses departed,
Even though we're relieved, we still felt disheartened.
But I heard one exclaim, as they drove out of sight,
Happy Christmas to all of you, from your teachers............good night xxxx

Until I see them all again next term....................they're in my prayers, and funnily enough! I shall miss them!

The end of term approaches

 It's a funny old time of year. I've reduced my expectations and now expect: a few days off, walking in the frosty air, some nice food, to see my kids and family, a glass of wine and some knitting and old films. I don't expect any more and every year Christmas surpasses my expectations. The term has been long, the final assessments have been done, my students have worked really hard and their controlled assessments bore the fruit of their labour and my motivating them to labour!

Kids have huge expectations and not all are met. The media has nothing to do with their expectations. They want family time. There is little time for family. The kids I know really don't want much and don't mind what they get as a present. My heart just broke today talking to some kids, who have their troubles and most for Christmas just want to see their mum or parent they don't live with. One told me they just wanted to know where their mum was.

I shall worry about them until I see them again, it might sound odd, but I hope it snows for them so they can play in it and have some fun. It will brighten their holiday. I pray that no one has their electricity cut off, that no one drinks away the food money and children can see their parents.

 I love Christmas, for what it really is, a celebration of the birth of Jesus, who shapes the world I live in and what I believe in. I pray in his name that the children I know will be safe, happy and loved, this Christmas and always.

Pulling myself together!

I've not long got in! Parent's evening and although very enjoyable, a long one. I need to get myself together for tomorrow and I am exhausted to the point that I can type any m..............................

School dinners!

I teach some students who really struggle with literacy. So imagine this. You've tried, let's say.....ice skating! You have a lesson every day and you never manage to stay on your feet. After three years, you can get on your feet, but you fall down. Three years later, you're still having an hour's lesson every day! You can almost stand up but you have to keep hanging on to the side. Get the picture? So after six years, and a lesson a day........you're still crap at ice skating. You know what? I would give up!!!! Well, you can't!!!! You get a reprieve when you reach 11 years old and they only make you have three hours of ice skating lessons a week.

By now, everyone else is whirling around like Torville and Dean and you're still falling on your bum, hanging onto the side and shuffling one foot after the other, your arms stretched out, just trying to balance and stay upright. Not only that, but you've been tested to find out? Yep, still crap!!!

So you reach puberty, everything gets bigger, smellier and hairier and no surprise; the ice skating is still crap! Every time you get those boots on, or get near the ice or hear so much as the first bars of 'Bolero', expletives issue from your mouth as if Gordon Ramsay was telling you what to say. Until someone says...............enough!


Well, this English teacher said enough! Now we're going to do something different! Me and my students are now going to do what we can to improve our literacy and numeracy........................in the kitchen!!!! We will improve by: weighing, shopping, measuring, portion controlling and slicing into fractions.

We will read ingredients and instructions, measure out and cook something to eat. As a reward for our Herculean efforts to stay upright on the ice................or should I say read a recipe. We will eat what we have cooked. I've got permission, it's OK! we're going to cook!

I like cooking and they like eating, so I think we'll be onto a winner. Yes, they will still fall down on the ice and they will still have to hold onto the side, but something just might ease the pain. I may get sworn at slightly less or at least I won't hear what they say and they will have a spoonful of homemade soup in their mouths!

It went something like this

Teacher: I'm afraid to inform you that &*%^$ didn't attend her detention this evening.

Mum: I know, she's being really difficult at the moment.

Teacher: May I have your permission to keep £$%^& after school tomorrow night?

Mum: You can try, she does as she pleases.

Teacher: Will you let her know I've called and I expect her outside my office at 3 pm tomorrow.

Mum: I don't know whether she's coming home tonight and I haven't seen her tonight.(phone call was at 7 pm!)

Teacher: Oh I see............will you let her know when she gets in.

Mum: You mean, if she gets in?

Teacher: Um.............yes.

Mum: Sometimes she comes home and sometimes she doesn't

You know how it goes! The conversation bothered me more and more..................that's going to amount to a lot of 'professional activities' and a lot of paperwork for someone tomorrow. Oh, the age of the child? 13!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Give me strength!

Pilchards and no pay?

Then it's good enough for me.

I've had a funny old day at work! I've had a king size bollocking for not being prepared to work for nothing on a Saturday! We've been asked to attend a training day, where we will be trained to observe teachers and give feedback........ on a Saturday! I assumed that we would be paid but we're expected to come into work for the day for no pay; so I refused. I'm not contractually obliged. I've been told that I will not be able to observe staff if I don't attend the course and if I can't do that then I won't be fulfilling my obligation as head of department. I asked my union rep to ask for us to be paid and was told that the staff couldn't be made to come in and the training relied on goodwill of the managers to come in. As you can imagine I told them to stick it in their Ofsted report and file it. I was called a maverick and that no one else had complained...................can you hear the workplace intimidation taking place yet??? So; I'm still wrangling for pay! If they think I'm dragging myself away from DB on one of the two days I get to spend with him a week then they're sorely mistaken! Any way back to Hugh Fearnley Wittingstall. Of all things he made sardines and posh stuff on toast. Here is my frugal alternative. Buy a tin of pilchards.....they are are the same fish!

Mash in a bowl, add some salt and pepper and a dash of vinegar....lemon if you have any. Spread onto toast and eat. It nearly choked me after today, but I managed because it's delicious.

Be prepared.

Here we are again, term time and off we go!

Weekends are for preparation! The house gets a top to bottom once over; the washing is done and ironed, work clothes are hanging in order (trousers, blouse, bra, knickers and socks on the outside, on a hanger) for each day of the week. There are 13 lessons on my memory stick, the faculty review has been written and there are 10 meals in the freezer, that just need to be defrosted and heated when I stagger in the door after six each evening.

Today, I roasted a chicken and made: 4 roast dinners, 2 for today and 2 to be reheated tomorrow when we get home, and one chicken and vegetable pie from the leftovers. There are two cottage pies, two veggie lasagnes and a Tupperware box full of lentil and vegetable soup made from the chicken bone stock.

My school bag is packed by the door, the sandwiches are in the fridge and our flasks are stood by the kettle. Planning with boy scout precision and I stand a chance of having some time to myself when I get home in the evenings. I also keep a well stocked pantry and freezer so I will not have to shop for an age, giving me more time to myself next weekend too. Oh! and I never have less than 24 loo rolls in the cupboard......just in case!

It's all in the preparation!

Feeding 16 a day for the next five days

My school is next to St. Austell brewery and it still has the granite imposing buildings at the front! Next week, I get to teach frugality, cookery and table manners. I will have twelve students and four members of staff including myself and we will cook around the world. Tomorrow, we start in America with cheese burgers, coleslaw, home made relishes (I know they are the Anglicised version but everyone loves pickle) soft homemade bread rolls, followed by Lemon Meringue pie and Key Lime pie. I was surprised how many students wanted to cook, eat and wash up all week, but they are really looking forward to it. My budget per day is £60, which means the students will eat extremely well and I have bought the best ingredients that I can. I have also bought napkins, table clothes, so we can all sit and eat together everyday. I will post photos each day of what they have cooked (obviously not with the students in shot for confidentiality and legal reasons) so watch this space. There will be some fine dining in St. Austell next week!

As nervous as a very small nun at a penguin shoot

If you are reading this and haven't read my last blog then it wont make sense, if you did, then this is the aftermath and follow up.

After the email (which a student sent me) that told me I was a bleepin'............excrement eating................female dog and other remarks was hurled at me, followed by two others also describing my dietary requirements involving the eating of human waste direct from source! You get the email! Regan and Carter swung into action and the culprit has been caught. Unlike like Regan they did not hang the students up by their toes, but nonetheless they extracted a confession and the 'slags sang like canaries' and accused and the accused was proved.
My degree with in Literature and Language and I studied linguistics (psycho and socio), discourse analysis and her language, within the email was distinctly female and had it's own style. Used punctuation correctly, spelt some words correctly and over used 'text speak' - hence it was written by a reasonably intelligent student trying to cover their tracks. They certainly used Alex's methods and not Gene's and caught her using intelligent methods and she was caught.
So the girl was found, personally I think she should publicly gargle on washing up liquid and be made to apologise to me for being a twisted psycho in public but she'll get a few days at home in front of day time TV, she still gets to go on her work experience next week and she'll be back and in my face within a week or so! I really really hope that one day she learns that what she says and does has a real impact, is extremely hurtful and denigrating and she learns to treat humans with respect. I somehow feel that we might all have to wait a very long time for that.

Oh I remember exactly why I need to be frugal!

I'm really devoted to my job and nine times out of ten, it's great but teaching is a minefield and today, I was bombed and it blew my heart out. After my heart had been blown out, my senior management team, found it, laughed at it and then played football with it, handed it back to me and told me they'd do something about it later. Today I received three sexually explicit, personal and disgusting emails from a student. They'd breached security (which is obviously made of tissue paper) ......logged on as an innocent little year 7 girl and whilst in a year 10 science lesson, had managed to send three emails without the teacher noticing, which I immediately forwarded to the IT support team, the senior management team who could have acted on the spot, gone to the classroom, gone to the computer (the twerp left a cyber trail and we knew which computer it was sent from) and apprehended the culprit...............but they did Fredrick all about it, and later told me it was too difficult to find out who it was and no one would admit to it. So they've done precisely Fredrick all about it when they could have acted sooner!

So back to the why I am frugal...............I want to pay off debts, downsize to a two up, two down cottaged and pay off the mortgage really quickly so I can retire before I work myself to death and sit and watch my garden grow and not have to put up with 15 year olds being sexually explicit to the point that if they were adults and said what they said in public, they would have been arrested. I'm waiting for the repercussions when I show the email to Dearly Beloved tonight! I feel sick to the point of never wanting to go back to work at the moment, which is a shame as most of the students are a credit to themselves.

I don't believe it!

Late home tonight and a sandwich to keep me going.

Parents' evening tonight. I'm always amazed at how little parents know about their children. They look incredulous when they discover their 12 year child can't read and write and are amazed that the primary school didn't tell them. They are amazed that their child has never done their homework, never read a book and has never attended the detentions set for not completing said schoolwork and homework. They are then even more incredulous when their teacher suggests that they might be part of the solution by supporting the school's behaviour policy. I am then amazed when they throw it back at me and ask me what I am going to do about it? I can not give the answer I would like to..............I don't believe it!

On the flip side! Most parents are wonderful, do a fantastic job and a a credit to their community and their children are a delight to teach.

Keeping myself off the streets!

Busy writing reports tonight...........in that secret code that none of you understand. Here's an example "Laura must learn to voice her disagreements courteously" which means if your daughter says 'what ever' to me one more time; she'll be in detention until the day she leaves. Or, "Laura has made some progress this year, especially in creative writing" which means that your daughter is excellent at texting and I've had to confiscate her phone on a daily basis. So I'm off to spend the night writing about my students, but it keeps me off the streets!

10' away from the Poet Laureate

I went to a poetry convention today. Sat in the front row and less than 10' from Carol Ann Duffy and loved her interpretation of Shakespeare's only bequeath after his death to his wife of his 'second best bed' . For years people thought that it was an indication that Shakespeare didn't love his wife and this was a snub, which it could have well been. Duffy saw it as a romantic gesture and that Ann Hathaway would have known the secrets of the marriage bed that no one else was party to, hence the gift of their bed. What ever the secret was between William and Ann - I love Carol's poem and today it felt as if she just read it to me.

Anne Hathaway
by Carol Ann Duffy from The World's Wife

'Item I gyve unto my wife my second best bed ...'
(from Shakespeare's will)

The bed we loved in was a spinning world
of forests, castles, torchlight, clifftops, seas
where we would dive for pearls. My lover's words
were shooting stars which fell to earth as kisses
on these lips; my body now a softer rhyme
to his, now echo, assonance; his touch
a verb dancing in the centre of a noun.
Some nights, I dreamed he'd written me, the bed
a page beneath his writer's hands. Romance
and drama played by touch, by scent, by taste.
In the other bed, the best, our guests dozed on,
dribbling their prose. My living laughing love -
I hold him in the casket of my widow's head
as he held me upon that next best bed.